Hospital Pasir Mas

Its been a few days since I was posted in Hosp. Pasir Mas. Life here was really different than that in USMKK. Arrived here on thursday, I found the scenery here rather peaceful and quiet. There were 17 of us, 6 guys and the rest girls, one house for each. Two dutch students from Holland came and join us in this district posting. Wow, our life here will be much more interesting with their presence. The house was dirty, so the first day was all cleaning and mopping. One good thing we found is that, the previous groups left a map of Pasir Mas in our house, showing those popular food restaurants in Pasir Mas. These restaurants were also rated, imagine that? How creative they were?

The next day, we set out to check out those ‘hot’ restaurants in Pasir Mas, but unfortunately most of the reataurants are closed on fridays. We wanted to eat the ‘Lian Hong’ Loh Mee, but it was closed too. So we just settle down with wan tan mee nearby. That day was also one of our coursemate, Zie’s wedding party. Including her, there were already 4 ppl in group who are married, one of them is already a mother! I am still single.:-( So jealous of them… Anyhow the bride was so beautiful tat day. She was always pretty, but tat day was just extraordinary beautiful. We had another lunch at the wedding party and then took photos with the newly wed couple.

On day 3 which was Sat, We spend the whole day online, chatting, downloading movies. The line here was quite fast, so our computers were on most of the time. I brought my keyboard along and Viki brought his guitar. I taught Toh Jeng, my coursemate to play ‘My heart will go on’ on the keyboard and he was diligently practising it since then. Occasionally his gf (who is also our groupmate) will drop by listen to him playing. How sweet…:-)

Yesterday, was just the usual briefing, running in the wards, doing procedures. We are supposed to go Barkas in the evening, to do some research on the water in Kelantan but due to technical error, the trip was postponed. Tis morning, I went to the Labour room, and there was this patient, 28 year old female, gravida 2, para 1, about to give birth to her second child. No painkiller was given to her. Her active phase of labour was long and she was having difficulty pushing her baby down. Possibly due to her short contraction pain. It took almost 1 hour before finally the the baby’s head came out. Here in Pasir Mas, unlike HUSM, they dont give painkiller to pregnant ladies in labour. Imagine the pain they go thru? I really salute these ladies who choose to deliver in Pasir Mas.

Life here is rather slow paced, unlike in HUSM. People here are more relaxed and not in a hurry. I dont feel so much pressured here.

Nice flowers and cactus!

Roti Gardenia – RM3.00?

Roti gardenia wholegrain fibremeal kini berharga RM3.00, naik dari RM2.70. Kata peruncit kedai runcit depan USMKK, kenaikan harga ini berkuatkuasa sejak minggu lepas. Nampaknya inflasi harga barang di Malaysia makin serius, puncanya dari krisis makanan sedunia. Malaysia tidak dapat elakkan diri dari krisis ini, namun kerajaan dengan bijak cuba mengawal harga daripada terus melonjak naik. Harga barang makin lama, makin naik, namun sumbangan PTPTNku tetap static, RM7000 setahun. Nampaknya ku terpaksa belajar hidup secara sederhana, makan biar sekadar menghilangkan lapar, bukannya untuk memuaskan nafsu makan… Kurangkan makan di KFC, McD dan etc etc.

Walaupun krisis harga naik, namun jika kita lihat dari aspek lain, terdapat banyak perkara positif belaku di Negara kita. Misalnya, kerajaan kita telah berjanji memulihkan krisis kehakiman, yang hilang integritinya sejak 1988 dimana ketua hakim pada masa itu besama beberapa hakim lain dipecat. Badan Pencegah Rasuah (BPR) juga kini dicadangkan supaya melapor terus ke parlimen, ini sedikit sebanyak dapat membantu memulihkan persepsi negatif rakyat terhadap ketelusan BPR.

Hampir setiap hari apabila saya membaca surat khabar, ada perubahan aktif di Negara kita, kebanyakannya saya lihat sebagai positif. Walaupun, ramai yang mengatakan bahawa politik neagra kita masih kurang stabil, namun saya percaya, Malaysia kini mula mengorak langkah kea rah Negara yang adil, saksama dan maju.

Akan terus ku doa untuk Negara…

Tahun ini, ku dapat lagi tawaran menjadi Pembimbing Minggu Suai Kenal (PPMS) bagi sesi akademik 2008/09, namun ada sedikit halangan. Ku mesti lulus semua posting dan menganjakkan sesi elektifku 1 minggu lebih awal. Sekiranya ini dapat diselesaikan, dapatlah ku berkhidmat sebagai PPMS USMKK bagi kali ke-3!

Time to heal my heart.

‘very very sorry 2 tell u tat u hv set d wrong goal frm d beginning n i nt willing 2 c u continue it as it wil make u even miserable.pls stop itLsory if I do hurt u.i hv 2 do so coz i dn’t wan d hurt bcome bigger n bigger nxt time.u think carefully n I wil nt disturb u until u r clear.sory,9.’

This was a sms I received girl was pursuing, when I confessed my feelings. It really hurts and I was heartbroken. I got this sms the second time I confessed my feelings. I have been keeping this sms for almost 2 months by now, sometimes when I read it, I feel like my heart being cut. But now I decided to delete it, to let go of what happened in past, learn to accept things as they are, and go on with life.

No doubt, this event has impacted my life to a certain extend. I get frustrated easily with just small problems, I began to bear negativism in things around me. I started to share depressing stuff over the blog. It was also around this time where I began to struggle in my studies. I was a sad, lonely and desperate guy. But in the midst of this wilderness, God’s was faithful to me. He helped me to win two medals during TOT-34. That medals really comforted my soul.

To those who happens to read this blog, please take note, I’m writing this not to talk bad about anyone here or even wanna share some depressive story. It just that I finally come to terms that it’s time I stop being miserable, sad or depressive. It’s time to rise up, and carry on with life.

Actually mainly it’s my fault, I am the one who started pursuing her. Although many times she rejected my offer for dinner or go out, I still preserve on. Now that she already found her other half, it’s time for me to give up and let go. It was really painful, and but I must do it. Now, it’s time to let my heart heal.

Hopefully, in a short while, I will be able to recover back to my original self, and continue my life as a medical student and also as a campus athlete. Livin’ 4 HIM!

TOT-34

I just got a comment tat I have been bashing and saying negative things over this blog. I started this blog to share about my experience and my friend’s experience with God. But it seems that this has become a place to vengence my frustration and anger. Well I guess this post will help…

Written on March 05, 2008, in http://tanyuethan.blogs.friendster.com/jonathans/

Hi, its been some time since i last wrote. I wanted to post a blog before i left for Temasya Olahraga Tahunan (TOT) in USM Penang last weekend but has been busy training and doing my posting work. Tis yr TOT was kinda meaningful for me personally. When i went for TOT during my 1st and 2nd yr, i didnt win any medal. Tis 2 yrs i went back, feeling sad and dejected. At times i asked myself whether shud i continue on training for TOT. Training for TOT has taken a tonne of my time and energy and finishing without medals are reali heartbreaking.

During my 3rd yr, I went for TOT for d 3rd time. There i finished 4th in 5000m, i got a medal (Tat event top 5 gets medals). Many of juniors tat time finished with gold, silver and bronze. I aimed to do better the following yr…

Tis time is my 4th TOT, i came to USM Penang with mixed feelings, one side of me wants to win, and another side of me feel lack of confidence. Tis time i competed in 2 events, 5000m and 3000m steeple chase which is on sat n sun each.

On Sat evening, i ran the 5000m. Halfway the race, suddenly i lost my focus and confidence. My pace slowed down and i only managed to finish 5th. I got a medal (since top 5 gets medals) but i was kinda disappointed with myself for losing focus n confidence. Tat Sat nite, i was feeling terrible, i got no confidence to run the next day’s 3000m steeple chase. I felt tat d results gonna be the same as 5000m.

But thank God i brought along a book to TOT. So i read tat book tat Sat nite. The book is called ‘Chang chang dao gao’ (Praying Always by Frans Baker). I was reading a part called ‘tan ran wu ju de dao gao’ which means truthful and fearless prayer. I dunno how it is related to me tat time but i jz read it and went to sleep early

The next day, sunday morning, i woke up, feeling refreshed better than the day before but thr is still feelings of disappointed because of 5000m which i din do well. But i jz took my breakfast and went to the stadium. There in the stadium, Liang Hoong and Tee Ming has jz finished their events and they won bronze each. When i heard of their good news, i lifted up my spirit. I told myself, if the juniors can do it, so do I!

Right before the event 3000m started, i looked up the sky and prayed to God, ‘Lord, pls give me the strength!’. I jz feel a new strength in me. I ran the event and finishes second! I won the silver but tat was my best run ever… Thank God for everything!

Things beyond our control

True when some people say that certain things are beyond our control. We may want it to happen this way, which is also the way we wants it but sometimes it may happen the way exactly we don’t want it to happens. Everytime when i got into this situation, I tend to post a blog here. Don’t know why, but this place for me to release my frustrations, irritations, sadness, disappointment. Today is my birthday, but one of my juniors break a bad news for me, although it’s a news that i should know much earlier. I don’t understand why he should break this news a this time. Dahlah aku dah banyak masalah bertimbun-timbun ni

But nevermind, I forgive him for that. I felt sad and disheartened over this news but there’s nothing I can do about this. I have to accept it with an open heart. Maybe I guess it’s God’s will. But I believe its not the end of the road yet, good things are yet to come…

It hard to imagine that I always have to pick up pieces of disappointments. But as a medical student who sees sick patient everyday, in spice of heart-breaking events, I always learn to give thanks to God. At least Im not sick and not handicapped. I not alone in this world, God is there for me.

Posted in http://tanyuethan.blogspot.com/ on March 25, 2008

Cameron Trip!

It’s getting late evening, and I have yet to finish my revision for my exam this wednesday and thursday. Still a lot more I need to cover. 4^th yr is a really a year of continuous stress for me, wonder how is it going to be in final year. I just ate my dinner, later I going to get a good haircut outside.

It was about 24 hours since I arrive back in campus from our church trip in Cameron. This trip, though short, has given me a lot of insight about my spiritual life. Thus, more ideas for me to write in this blog. Actually I didn’t plan to go for this trip, because of the fees and my coming exams, but when Yew Lang offered to subsidize for me the fees, I changed my mind, after all, I can bring some books there to read whenever I’m free. I planned to share about this trip after my exam this week, but I’m afraid I might forget a lot of important things to share by then. After all, what is more important than sharing our lives and experience about God?

Cameron Trip Day 1

I woke up late today, about 7.00am. What happened was, I only decided to go for this trip yesterday night at church and I have to stay back at church to practice base guitar for praise and worship. Arrive back in my room late at night, and I spent to whole night writing my clinical report and packing my stuffs. Tiring as it is, I slept at 5.30am.

Bus left around, 7.30am, thanks to me for being late, went on to fetch our pastor and his family at church. Me, as usual as stressful, spend the day in bus, revising my studies. As I was revising, often I heard laughter from the back. They seems excited and happy going for this trip. How I wished I could be just as excited and happy.

We arrive at Brinchang around 5.00pm to buy some food for tonight steamboat dinner. I get down the bus, joined them in fun of buying fresh foods and taking photos of those beautiful vegetables and fruits at the pasar malam. I came across this stall selling little little items, 1 item caught both me and my friend’s eyes, it’s a necklace with a cross in the middle. I bought it, but I wonder will I ever wear it, because I never wear this kind of necklace before. I don’t think I gonna wear it unless I can make sure that Im gonna a good person the day I wear it.

At night, we have steamboat, I ate till my stomach bloated and yet still there were much food left. Then we gathered, sang songs and have a session of sharing. I was just the quiet listener as I always been. Many questions were raised that night, such as ‘Why Adam was allowed to sin?’, ‘Why God brought disaster during the days of Noah?’, etc etc and the end it became a bible study when some of us started referring to bibles and answering each other question. Me, as usual, went back to study earlier than others.

Cameron Trip Day 2

I woke up late again, everybody already took their bath and had their breakfast. Because I was late, I couldn’t have those eggs for breakfast, ruginya. Though I got to eat some bread. The morning small group discussion was about controlling our tongue. We go through some bible verses and started discussing how as a Christian we can control our tongue. One very important thing I learned is that, there will always be times that we lose control of our tongue and people will get hurt. When that happened, the way out is simply admitting that we are wrong and not trying to be defensive and argue. We are just weak human beings, we need to admit when we are wrong and come back to God.

Then after that, we went on travelling all around Cameron, taking photos here and there. I can’t remember much, too many places we went to. As what I can see, everyone were having fun, taking photos with beautiful plants and fruits. Maybe I should post those photos here…

The night, we went back to our resorts. We had a bible quiz, guys versus girls, which guys won at last, thanks to some of our guys who are just so good in their bible knowledge(Sadly I’m not one of them). But one thing that struck me during that session is that, one of the them said, ‘First time I saw Jonathan laugh!’. I guess I looks too serious during the 1^st 2 days of camp.

Cameron Trip Day 3

This is our last day in Cameron. This our morning devotion, which the topic is being holy, one of our brothers, I call him A. A gave a wonderful testimony. He was preparing for his exam and he needs to see those histological slides. A group of friends were keeping those slides for themselves for a very long time and he does not feel happy about it. He then approached one of the friends and asked whether can he borrow those slides to study. Then his friend said he can lend those slides to A provided A return those slides within 2 days. At first, A was very unhappy because those friends has been keeping those slides for so long and now they are only allowing him to use for 2 days. But instead of showing his unhappiness, A decided to answer this ‘I will return you the slides by tonight’. Instead of agreeing to borrow for 2 days, he decided to return them in less than 24 hours. His friends was amazed by his response and since then they showed favour to A whenever he asked for help. This reminds me of a bible verse,

‘Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.’ Matthew 5:39-41.

It was a trip to remember… Thank God I went. J

Birthday Party!

1 hour ago, my CG members and some other CF members just celebrated my birthday. Personally I felt touched by their thought. Although me as a CG leader has been through a lot of downs lately, I have been evaluating myself as a CG leader recently, finding myself in a deadlock state trying to get all my CG members closer to one another, trying to make our CG a place of belonging. Although our CG state and condition didn’t really improved much since I become a CG leader since 2^nd year, but what I see just now during my birthday party is that, although there are few of us, it didn’t really matters at all cause whoever who comes and gets involved, they get blessed.

I learned to accept my physical limitation, just as we can’t force people to accept Jesus as their personal savior, so it’s the same goes for Cell Group. We can’t force people to get involved in Cell Group if they don’t want to. Same goes for Church and CF, we can’t push Christians to Church or CF if they don’t want to. Christianity is not a religion with rules and regulations that we need to obey, it’s a personal relationship with Jesus.

I got a nice bag for my birthday, it can be used to keep laptop also. Multipurpose bag! Its like a blessing from God and my CF friends in the midst of the troubles and uncertainty I have been facing the past 1 month. And as for our CG, I just rest all my Hope in the One that I have been Livin’ for. J

Cell Group

        One of the major activities organized by Christian Fellowship USMKK  (CFUSMKK) is having small groups called Cell group (CG). The Cell groups exist to strengthen the fellowship of CF members in small group by sharing our lives with one another. I was asked to continue as CG leader again this yr. Among the objectives that I need to achieve this yr are

1. Cell groups enables CF members to be personally known and cared for.

2. Develop a connection between daily life and God’s Word by discussion and sharing of testimonials

3. Build accountable relationships with another believer through S.A.G (Student accountability group)

4. Encourage each other to grow in Christ

            Among this 4 objectives, I failed to achieve even one of them. I dunno why, but I jz felt that our CG is not working. Many members are not attending the meetings, though all of our meetings so far are just birthday celebration. For me, if they dun even bother to attend the birthdays parties, I dun think they will bother to come if we have bible studies or outing. Even our birthday parties are all held in USM and each just lasting less than 1 hour, yet many still choose not to come. Maybe I have not been a good CG leader… maybe they don’t feel the sense of belonging in our CG… maybe they don’t like birthday parties and cakes… maybe I didn’t prayed enough… I dunno.

            Someone in our CG asked me to remain as CG leader but I don’t see the point of remaining. I was the CG leader for past 2 years and some CG members have been with me since they are 1^st year, but our CG is still the same. So far I only found 1 person capable of taking over our CG but that person decline the offer. I still wonder whether should I remain as CG leader, since next year I will be facing a major exam, Professional 3 and its not gonna be easy…

Jam 3.00 petang

Jam menunjukkan 3.00 petang. Ku rasa perutku bagaikan mahu kecut. Namun masih belum kedengaran sebarang bunyi lagi. Ia dengan manjanya meminta makanan, tetapi ku tidak boleh membenarkan sebarang makanan melalui mulutku sehingga malam ini. Adui, penatnya! Saya sepatutnya berpuasa hari ini, sempena Hari ‘Good Friday’ yang melambangkan pergorbanan tuhan Yesus Kristus di atas salib lebih kurang 2000 tahun dahulu.

Sebenarnya, pagi ini bila saya bangun dari tidur (tidak tahu mengapa saya boleh bangun seawal 7.00 pagi walaupun semalam saya tidur pada jam 1.30 pagi). Ini mungkin sebab sudah biasa bangun awal pada hari kerja, jadi pagi ini walaupun bukan hari bekerja, saya secara automatic bangun awal. Agaknya sebab saya bangun awal, maka saya ke gereja pagi ini, di sanalah baru saya tahu yang saya sepatutnya berpuasa hari ini. How pathetic…

Selain perut yang sedang buat perangai nak makan, rasanya otakku sekarang dah jam! Agaknya sebab hypoglycaemia kot? Kepala aku pun dah pening dah, macam manalah kalau saya disuruh berpuasa sebulan? Mesti dah pengsan separuh jalan. Saya perlukan bantuan Tuhan untuk mengharungi hari yang istimewa.

Tetapi, sekiranya kita menbandingkan sengsara kita yang terpaksa berpuasa hari ini dengan sengsara yang dilalui Yesus tercinta, sengsara kita tidak sebanyak mana. Yesus telah mengharungi bukan sahaja kesakitan physical, malahan Beliau dicemuh dan dimaki hamun oleh pegawai Roman. Beliau dipukul rantai besi berduri 39 kali, melambangkan 39 jenis penyakit di dunia ini. Beliau disalib mati. Namun Beliau bangkit semula selepas 3 hari.

To all Christian, lets treasure this ‘Good Friday’.