Faithfulness Forever

Exactly 2 more weeks I gonna face my Professional 3 exam. Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty begin filling my heart. So much to study, so much to clinical examination to practice. I really dunno how this 2 weeks is gonna be, what the outcome. I wish I could just turn back time and start all over again, but tats of course impossible.
We can try our best to achieve anything but, we cant guarantee anything in life.
With this I put my all my hope and trust in God. Whatever the outcome of this Pro 3, I will still praise Him.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but I everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” Philippians 4:6

Hospital Pasir Mas

Its been a few days since I was posted in Hosp. Pasir Mas. Life here was really different than that in USMKK. Arrived here on thursday, I found the scenery here rather peaceful and quiet. There were 17 of us, 6 guys and the rest girls, one house for each. Two dutch students from Holland came and join us in this district posting. Wow, our life here will be much more interesting with their presence. The house was dirty, so the first day was all cleaning and mopping. One good thing we found is that, the previous groups left a map of Pasir Mas in our house, showing those popular food restaurants in Pasir Mas. These restaurants were also rated, imagine that? How creative they were?

The next day, we set out to check out those ‘hot’ restaurants in Pasir Mas, but unfortunately most of the reataurants are closed on fridays. We wanted to eat the ‘Lian Hong’ Loh Mee, but it was closed too. So we just settle down with wan tan mee nearby. That day was also one of our coursemate, Zie’s wedding party. Including her, there were already 4 ppl in group who are married, one of them is already a mother! I am still single.:-( So jealous of them… Anyhow the bride was so beautiful tat day. She was always pretty, but tat day was just extraordinary beautiful. We had another lunch at the wedding party and then took photos with the newly wed couple.

On day 3 which was Sat, We spend the whole day online, chatting, downloading movies. The line here was quite fast, so our computers were on most of the time. I brought my keyboard along and Viki brought his guitar. I taught Toh Jeng, my coursemate to play ‘My heart will go on’ on the keyboard and he was diligently practising it since then. Occasionally his gf (who is also our groupmate) will drop by listen to him playing. How sweet…:-)

Yesterday, was just the usual briefing, running in the wards, doing procedures. We are supposed to go Barkas in the evening, to do some research on the water in Kelantan but due to technical error, the trip was postponed. Tis morning, I went to the Labour room, and there was this patient, 28 year old female, gravida 2, para 1, about to give birth to her second child. No painkiller was given to her. Her active phase of labour was long and she was having difficulty pushing her baby down. Possibly due to her short contraction pain. It took almost 1 hour before finally the the baby’s head came out. Here in Pasir Mas, unlike HUSM, they dont give painkiller to pregnant ladies in labour. Imagine the pain they go thru? I really salute these ladies who choose to deliver in Pasir Mas.

Life here is rather slow paced, unlike in HUSM. People here are more relaxed and not in a hurry. I dont feel so much pressured here.

Giver of Life

Testimony by T. W. Hao

I was born into a Christian family. Everybody assumed I was a well-behaved child. But this is not true until I believe and accepted Christ. Since kindergarden I was a very very rebellious child who likes to break the rules. I liked to bully girls and was constantly picking on a fight with the boys. As a consequences, my teacher, frustrated with me, decided to send me away from the ‘excellent’ class as she was worried that I may have a negative influence on the well-behaved children.

Then, I enter into primary school. I started to smoke, gamble, fight, and even steal my parents’ money to buy story books I fancy. I stole books from book exhibitions. My neighbours also thought that my future was gone. By the time I graduated from primary school, my elder sister decided to bring me to church. Initially I was reluctant to attend because I could not stand the boring sermons by the preachers. With my attitude at that time, it was astonishing that I would have the patience to give it another try,but I suspect it was the work of Holy Spirit, that I have the patience for attending the biblical teachings conducted in the church. All of a sudden, I begin to experience a 180 degree change in my life. I became enthusiastic to care and help other people. I do not steal anymore and I even admit my small faults like breaking an egg to my mother. My mother was surprised and touched by the new change in me and encourage me to go to church more often.

However, in secondary school, I became decadent once again. The reason was – all the youth attending at that time were females and I was embarrassed and shy to go to church to mix with them. I was dissatisfied for a few years. Then arrive to the second turning point of my life when I was in matriculation, and my friends invited me to join their Christian gathering, which was conducted weekly. I joined their activities and was again touched by the Holy Spirit. I attended every gathering there and went to church regularly even if the members of the church consists mostly of girls as I do not feel embarrassed in front of them anymore because I know we are brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ.

I was baptized 3 years ago, now I am most happy and relaxed when I go to church and I am drawing closer to God day by day. If it wasn’t because of Jesus, I think I will not be here in USMKK. If it wasn’t because of Jesus, I think you would have seen my photo in newspaper photographed as gangster, thief, robber and any other law-breaker. Jesus Christ is the Giver of my life because He turned my life and gave me a new life. How about you, who is your Giver of life?

Paediatric Short Case

Today I had my Paediatric Posting short case exam. I got a case of a child with severe cyanosis, and polycythamic. Clinical findings was fingers and toes clubbing, peripheral cyanosis, red conjunctiva suggestive of polycythaemia. On auscultation of the chest, I only found loud P2. There was no murmur, and no signs of heart failure. My initial diagnosis was pulmonary atresia, that was a bad step! I shouldnt have said that, the doctor asked me questions on pulmonary atresia and I couldnt answer. The she go on asking me questions on cyanotic heart diseases which I manage to answer some. But finally I came to a diagnosis of complex cyanotic heart disease.

Tomorrow I gonna have my MEQ exam at 4pm at Paediatric department. My supervisor wants to see me at 2pm tomorrow, I wonder is he gonna ‘hantam’ me as he usually does. This posting has really been stressful for me. With me being the group leader, so much responsibilities, sometimes when I make little mistakes, I got terrible ‘hantaming’ by the lecturers.

Just recently I almost quarrel with one of my groupmates over some clinical session. We wanted that particular lecturer cuz he haven taught us before during posting, but this guy insisted on having him instead. When I insisted on having that lecturer, he show me a sour face. Then after tat I decided to give in, I let him have that lecturer. That particular night, I was so frustrated and irritated. But now I decided to put this behind me, and look forward. Anyway I already to accept everyone in my group regardless of who they are. I have to keep on reminding myself, tat Im a christian, and should learn to be gracious to ppl.

Today i played badminton with a 1st yr medic gal. She is a thin and tall sweet gal from nurani. We knew each other for bout a month and I enjoy her company. Many time we met and talk, but rumours about us are spreading like hot goreng pisang! Many ppl are asking her wat is her relation with me. Fortunately she edi has a bf, otherwise ppl will be thinking that Im dating her. Gossips bout me in campus is not something uncommon. But im not worried, one day they get tired, they wil stop gossiping edi.

Tomorrow got CF, I wonder whether shud I go o not? Really feel malas wanna go…

Post-clinical Exam

I just finished my clinical exam at 4.00pm today. I got a febrile fits case, but the presentation doesn’t seems to be febrile fit. Beside fit, patient has blue spells, shortness of breath, pale. On examination, I found patient to have prolonged expiratory phase. My history and examination doesn’t tally at all. Bad la…

At least the patient was cooperative, although he was only 5 months. I did presented my case to doctor and was asked a number of questions which I couldn’t answer most of them. Dunno how?

Hopefully tomorrow MCQ will be much better. I just can’t wait to go back this thursday. Really cannot tahan staying in this campus…

Soar like an eagle.

It’s already 9.14pm and my body is reacting well to paracetamol I took bout half hour ago. Really a relieve for me. More than 1 hour ago, my body was aching terribly, with my temperature rising up, headache all over my frontal and occipital region. Really really bad. Maybe I guess its due to my excessive exercise! I have been playing squash for the past 5-6 days continously.

Now at least Im better, can continue my studies. I need to equip myself with sufficient knowledge before exam in 2 weeks time. I know I dun stand as tall as the ‘A’ student in my group. But I believe I can match them by the end of next year, which is my final year. When this happen, it will be a good chance for me to glorify God. A knowledgable doctor will bring benefits to his patient. I believe in Jesus, I believe in His power, I believe in His miracles. Im going to soar like an eagle in academics!!!

God has been so faithful to me. I finally passed my ORL posting (Have to take it twice!). I was relieve by that, my ORL posting has been worrying me the past 1 month. Really glad its over. Now only let Paediatrics to go on. Again Im relying on His grace to carry me through.

Sometimes I kinda feel afraid and reluctant writing blogs. Got some kind of fear that people might think negatively about me or even have some presumptous ideas about me. But this blog has been really useful for me to channel out my feelings and opinions without hurting anyone. Without this blog, I might be storing up my feelings, and one day it might explode.

One more thing I wanna thank God here is that, one of my non-christian fren has approached me, and asked me to give him some materials about Jesus to read. This has not happened to me for a long time and Im glad for this. I really hope and pray that God will open up his heart and bring his to salvation.

Tomorrow I will be going to Hospital Kota Bahru again. Hope to see more patient and learn more things there.

Finding new strength

It has been almost 1 week since I let go of my romantic feelings towards her. My heart is gradually healing and getting better. Though there is a sense of loneliness in my heart, but I just ignore it. I try to comfort myself by saying to myself, ‘There are many more people out there who were must more lonelier than me. At least I still have my family behind me at the time. Many sick people in ward were all alone battling against their illness’. It’s time to come back to reality and continue with life.

I also have been trying to keep myself busing with ward work in the hospital, getting my log book requirements done as fast as possible. Paediatrics in USM here really challenging, we are expected to be in ward from 8.00am till 5.00pm in the evening and oncalls at least once a week. Really no time to study at all. It’s already the 3^rd week of paedciatrics and I only got 4 case presentation! Getting worried and anxious… Will I make it in this posting?

Anyway, life in paediatrics ward has it’s pros too. Everytime I get stress or fed-up, but when I look at those cute little kids in the ward, some how my heart melted. I’m filled with compassion for their illness. Some of them are diagnosed with serious illness such as Down Syndrome, Immunodeficiency, pneumonia. These kids did nothing to deserve what they are suffering now! It’s just that they are unfortunate, sometime I do wonder why God allow such things happen to them? This is really an unfair world…

Yesterday I got to do an Exchange Transfusion (ET) for a little newborn. He was born with severe jaundice and needed that transfusions to bring his bilirubin’s level. I happen to be in the ward that time, and the nurse there asked me to come down to NICU to help the doctor there do ET. The ET was a long procedure, after a while I got tired, and sick of it. But when I looked into the baby’s eyes, and put myself in his shoes, imagining myself as the baby, I felt compassionate for the baby. So I soften my heart and continue the ET.

I believe patient in the wards not only needs the physical healing, they also need the spiritual healing from God. They need salvation. I’m the only Christian in my group, and most of the time, I noticed I’m the only Christian in the ward. I want to shine for Christ and bring the gospel of Jesus to the sick but all the times, my mouth just can’t open. I usually waits for the opportunity where the patient will say something that can make me bring out the picture of God but all the while, this has not happened yet…

Paediatrics Photos

Chronic Frustration!

Im reali reali getting very frustrated with those selfish kiasus who just do everything for themselves. It seems that they are owiz knowledge deficient, but in fact they are edi very knowledge competent. Every patient also they want to ‘rembat’ for themselves, what is this la! Give other a chance la. During clinical session, they keep on asking so many questions, grabbing every opportunity to learn. I think they didn’t realise that they are actually denying others a chance to learn. Working with them reali makes me frustrated and angry at times.

I hate to critize but this time I really cannot tahan edi. Maybe I lack a forgiving heart… Gotta learn hoe to forgive and accept people, otherwise I might end up with some chronic illness later in life.

New Posting!

Today i started my new posting, Psychiatry. Starting fresh with a new hopes n spirit, i went to the psychiatry ward in level 5, HUSM. There i see so many mentally ill patient. Physically, there’s nothing wrong with them, its oni they r diagnosed to be mentally ill. I heard the female patients thr r very fond of males, especially medical students like me but the one tat i talked to doesnt seems interested to answer my questions at all. Mayb its becuz its the first time i talked to her, so she feels uncomfortable. She said she feels embarrassed to share with me but i guess we cant trust answers from a mentally ill patient.

Thr r many ways we can help these ppl, thru giving counselling, drugs, behaviour therapy, Electroconvuisive therapy. But we also need to save their soul. But how do we bring the gospel to these ppl. I wonder…