Testimony by T. Liszen.
… a book that I read during early in my fourth year in University, I could recall not much of the book’s messages, but there is one chapter, one particular that keeps on lingering in my mind until now…and will once in a while pop out to echo loud in my mind. It is a chapter where Mitch, the author asked his old, bed-ridden professor, Morrie, who had been afflicted with a disease known as Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis or ALS, about his opinion of the Book of Job. I suppose Mitch was wondering how a suffering patient like Morrie would see God’s deeds on Job in order to test Job’s faith.
As a Christian who was very enger to know more about God then, I am ashamed to admit here that I was terrified when reading through the Book of Job.
Yes, I was terrified.
“If I were to give all out for God, will I be experiencing the same situation as Job?”
It was not the adversities to come in the way that I feared the most; It was the process of testing my faith to God.
I love God very much; at least that was what I thought I was then. “But will my faith survive all those adversities if I were Job?”
Despite all these thoughts, I could not help but try to learn to be a good servant of God, because without His salvation, I will not be here writing this. Hallelujah!
Hence I began my journey to learn to be a good servant since my Year 4 in University. And more often than not, I would be encountering helplessness, loneliness and being perceived as a weird person or hypocrite. I survived these and I said to myself. “Hmm, not bad…may be it is not as bad as I thought it will be. Yes, as long as I put my eyes on God, God will help me to go through all those trivial trials. He will be my strength when I am weak.”
I had been holding to that thought whenever I encounter difficulties, until a few months ago, I found myself too weak to even to think of that thought.
I was confused, bitterly in pain emotionally and physically, and worse, I blamed God for what had happened.
I blamed Him for giving me a problem that could not be undo, I blamed Him for allowing that incident to happen, I blamed Him for involving the people I care and love all this while, if all these were to help me to grow…why it could not be that I being the one and only who undergo it?
Then during the CF meeting when Mick came to preach about “Encounter”, he said about how job demands of God an explanation of his plight, and God said,
“Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?”
Those verses were like a slap on my face.
Who am I and what am I to question and to even blame God? Then I realized that I had been loving and worshiping not God, but rather God’s gift and blessings upon me. I love what God can bless me with, to the extent that I idolize the gifts, not the Giver. That is the reason, I suppose, I agonized so much when things gone so wrong in my eyes, and forgot that sometimes, humans will never be able to comprehend all of God’s ways. For God’s ways are higher than our way.
The recently, God put me through a serial of events to help me to seize the meaning of true faith in Him. I could not share with people I love what are in my mind, what are troubling me and why am I acting in such ways. It was indeed a true agony, when the people you love started to doubt you and you could do nothing to make them understand. Then I learned at that time, am I not the same? Putting God into such situation myself? I doubted Him so many times, while deep inside, I know He loves me, and He has always been there for me. It must have been very painful for God too, to have His child to doubt Him, when all the things He has been doing, are for the good of His child, just that it is beyond the child’s ability to learn the blessings behind. Thus, I know now, Father in Heaven, that I should keep on having faith in You, even if the situation looked terribly grim and messed up at that moment.
And at the end of that chapter, Morrie answered Mitch, “I think, God overdid it.”
Personally, I think, God was doing things in His ways, in accordance to His will.
Well, so now I am really grateful and praising God for the trials He has been giving me, and I think there are more to come…but thank you, Father in Heaven, for promising me that You will not give me burden that I cannot bear. And I would really love to end this by sharing with you all these verses.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4.
